Depression can make navigating romantic relationships extra harder, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. These 5 things can help make dating easier when you’re depressed.
Dating is already tricky on its own and having to start or maintain a relationship while you’re depressed can feel like it’s an impossible feat. But don’t let your brain talk you into believing that you don’t deserve to be loved or that you can’t offer love — that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
When depression symptoms can make it feel like the color is being drained away from life; a loving relationship can help paint it vibrantly. It won’t be smooth sailing, but meeting or being with someone who will provide you constant support and acceptance can help stop depression from taking over your life.
Just before you head out to that dinner date, it’s important to keep in mind that navigating a relationship when you’re depressed will look very different than if you’re dating without. So, here are five things you should know as you ease yourself into the dating sphere.
It’s important that you love yourself first before taking the time to love another.
One of the best things to do before extending love to someone else is to take the time to love yourself first. Most of the time, people who battle with depression fall into mindset traps like self-deprecation which make it hard for them to love themselves. The tendency is to ruminate on negative thoughts and be your own worst critic.
It’s easiest to give love if your own love tank is full. Think of it like cups with water. If your cup is only half-filled, then the tendency might be to draw the remaining water from your partner to complete your love tank. Even if their cup is full, as you take from him or her, your partner will end up half-empty after. This is why it’s better to take the time to love yourself and fill your own cup to the brim first.
As this analogy goes, it’s equally important to select a partner who also has a full cup. That way, even as you both give love, you don’t drain each other and can both remain full. This will foster a healthier, stable, and positive relationship.
One of the best ways you can practice self-love is through positive self-talk. Don’t dwell on the negative thoughts, instead, give yourself an optimistic speech on the good things about your life. Practice this every day and make it a habit. You do this through gratitude journaling and write down all the things you’re thankful for every day. Whether you go for a nice Moleskine notebook or a digital journal like Grateful, the essential thing is building the habit of positive thinking. As you practice this on yourself, you’re also most likely to bring the same positive thinking into your relationship.
There will be days when your brain will make you feel like you’re not in love.
When depression is making you feel down, apathy and listlessness may be the strongest emotions you feel. It’s times like these that you need to remember it’s neither your partner’s fault nor yours — it’s the depressive symptoms sabotaging your ability to be loving at the moment.
So as you enter into a relationship, keep this in mind: your commitment shouldn’t just be solely based on emotions but on a decision. This decision is something that you have to remind yourself of every day, especially when depression makes your emotions fluctuate.
In parallel, there would be days that as you fight depression, you may not always be your best self. This is where choosing a partner who doesn’t just solely base his commitment on emotions but also on a decision will help strengthen the foundations of your relationship and make it more sustainable in the long haul.
You may be extra sensitive to rejection, but disagreement doesn’t mean that you are rejected.
As your relationship deepens, you’ll eventually grow comfortable enough with one another to tease, joke, or maybe even correct (when needed). Depression can make you extremely sensitive to words spoken to you, and even if they were well-intentioned, your mind might receive them in a different light.
It’s important you know that this is not your fault; depressive symptoms may just increase your sensitivity to social pain or maybe prompt your mind to interpret them in a different way. At the same time, you shouldn’t dwell on the feeling of rejection.
One of the best responses for this is pausing, asking, and processing. If anything your partner says to you triggers feelings of rejection, pause. Practice deep breathing exercises through your nose and try to calm yourself. Once you’ve reigned in on your emotions, calmly ask your partner to clarify what they meant by their statement and let them know how it made you feel. As they respond, take the time to really listen to what they have to say. Give them a chance to clear the air and together, process the situation to avoid any remnant feelings of hurt or resentment.
A low sex drive does not equate to incompatibility.
One of the common symptoms of depression is a general lack of interest in anything — this can include sex.
Similar to how a general feeling of apathy does not equate to the absence of love, having no interest in sex some days doesn’t equate to incompatibility. So, try to not jump to conclusions just yet especially if you’re taking medications. Lower libido levels are a common side-effect of some antidepressants. If the dampening of your sex drive is related to medication, consult your doctor for an alternative that won’t take a toll on your sex life too much.
At the same time, whether it’s the medication or it’s just your depressive symptoms, you can take proactive steps to let your partner know that you care for them. You can do this through sweet gestures like leaving loving notes, hugging them, or cuddling them. And even though the lack of desire may make you feel like you don’t want to do anything for them in general, making it a point to be intentional in showing affection can help you overcome the holds of depression. This will not just be beneficial for your relationship but even good practice for regaining control of your own mind.
Some of the medications you need to recover may make your relationship extra challenging.
Here is one important and difficult truth you need to hear: the antidepressants that help your mind may potentially hurt your relationship. Studies have seen a link between antidepressants and reduced sexual and emotional attachments for people under medication. Naturally, this can pose a challenge to building a strong relationship.
But does this mean there’s no hope for you? Absolutely not. This just means that you have to be mindful of the timing, and gauge yourself and your [potential] partner for the best course of action.
If you don’t feel like you’re ready for a relationship while taking medication, that’s okay.
But if you feel like you are, then you can sit down with your partner and have a courageous conversation about what you’re going through. This will help your partner have more realistic expectations and also help them be more ready for the relationship.
You can also consider talking to your doctor about different options for medication so you can explore what will work best for you. Then consider coupling this with natural antidepressant remedies like exercise, meditation, and nature walks. These are known to help greatly in managing depressive symptoms and may help speed up your progress so you can get off medication faster.
Talk to your partner about depression
If you’re reading this and dating while fighting depression, know this: even though it might be challenging, you are worth loving.
As you journey to your recovery, it’s better if you involve your partner. It doesn’t mean that you’ll spill the tea on the first date. When the time is right and your trust is built, talk to them about it. Show them this piece so they can have a better understanding of what you’re going through.
Dating with depression is tough but the rewards are greater. With the right insight, guidance, and foundations, your relationship can overcome even the bleakest days and toughest nights.
